UNREQUITED? UNDERSTOOD

As a philosophy minor, I seem to run into a lot of problems with "forever." Does the universe go on forever? Does our questioning of the universe go on forever? (Irrespective of the opinions of the characters in “The Princess Bride”) does love go on forever?

You are probably unsure of these questions too.

Despite being unable to argue my way to any conclusions, there is still one feeling that – every time – seems to bring with it the concept of "forever”: unrequited love.

Let’s take a practical example. In “Romeo and Juliet,” Romeo begins the play stuck in the mud of unrequited love. Even though "Rosaline" is a girl we never even meet, Romeo immediately shows us the doom of "foreverness" that he associates with unrequited love.

Lucky for Romeo, he met a bombshell the next day -- and she happened to be into him too.

But what are the things we can do to pull ourselves out of unrequited love?

If you meet a bombshell -- go for them. All kidding aside, usually unrequited love really takes the form of just an obsession-cold. All you need is one bright kick of vitamin C, and that cold is history. Suddenly, you stop sneezing. Some person comes along to grab your attention and, for whatever reason, you forget all about the negativity from the first person.

But when does that ever really happen? Bumping into a bombshell should happen to all of us. Even so, unrequited love is sometimes not just an obsession cold. It is a real sickness. You are love sick: not feeling like yourself, maybe even doing wacky stuff that you know is not you; you feel down, helpless, as if nothing could happen right, except for the total reversal of this persons affections from being away from you to being towards you.

Willing this is impossible. It does not work. The change you can make, though, is in yourself. And there two types of changes.

First, if we really love someone, usually we have offered them the best version of ourselves. If they can't want that, then there's seriously something wrong with them. Think about it. What's the best version of you? Smart? Funny? Kind? Clever? All of these things? Whatever your strongest attributes are – you just offered up all those shiny pennies, and that person is too dumb or too blind to not go for it. So the one change you have to make is this new thought: they're crazy not to love me back.

Another change however is not just a mindset. You actually change. The alternative is that we might not have been the best version of ourselves to this person. Maybe we were greedy, or weak, or succumbed to some temptations we shouldn’t have. Whatever the bad behavior was, that actually is a part of why they did not want us back. This may feel like an ugly, or tough idea to grasp, but the best part is that recognizing a weakness is always the next step to getting stronger. Whatever you did, do not do it again. If it was not right, and it was not you, then change it. Don’t succumb – be better, be stronger.

So, perhaps the best direction to channel unrequited love is to ourselves. Because, when you love yourself, you always get a little something in return.